Monday, July 19, 2010

Rain, and a moment to reflect

I would like to mention my excitement in having 2 new followers. Welcome to the madness!!

So much for my grand plans to begin the outbuilding/art studio today. But I'm not complaining about the rain, it is much needed and a break from all this heat is good for the soul.
So I thought I would take a moment to reflect back on the summer and what I have accomplished. I read recently that especially when you are trying to change it is important to make what HAS been done rather than what HASN'T been done. So . . .
We have managed to get an commendable amount of stuff outta here. I opened the candy drawer this week and marveled at the vast emptiness. (It all went to the OT office, and I noticed Friday it is almost all gone!) But more importantly WALT and I have had a truly wondrous summer. I spent almost everyday of last summer collapsing into tears at some point(s) in the day. The speed at which my grandmother succumbed to cancer was absolutely unfathomable. Then there was the family drama that followed and the speed in which we were pushed to empty to her house. That alone resulted in almost a physical paralysis of emotional pain and loss. Add that WALT fed off my fear and developed several phobias of his own and we could barely leave the house.
This summer has been quite magical in contrast. We have our weekly outings to OT in good old J.C. which we always try to tack on some fun stuff. We are also regulars at the Splash Pad and tomorrow weather permitting we'll be at the pool at Natural Tunnel. We've also traveled the entire length of Virginia over a long weekend and it was joyous if too brief. Now I am teary eyed in pride and relief on a daily basis. The fog is lifting and WALT and I are only stronger and closer as a result. He still sometimes announces that he misses LuLu, and I get a sharp pain in the chest but then I think about the alternative, that he didn't remember his beloved great grandmother.

I haven't lost the 10-15 pounds or had quiet the diet/exercise reboot I planned. However I am "tanner" (a relative term considering my fair skin) that I have been since high school. I credit this healthy glow to the active summer WALT and I have had, and I'll take that as a victory. I've also rediscovered my deep passionate love of reading. I finished Julie and Julia about a week into the summer (I started it in January) and then devoured A Million Little Pieces. I followed up with Indignation (definitely the literary high point of this summer) got half way through The Almost Moon (I think that is the title I know it was an Alice Sebold novel) but it got ruined in a rain storm, and it was strange and depressing and I just moved on. So then I read Loving Frank. That caused quite the personal aches and wants and reminders of dreams unfulfilled. It also however just reaffirmed that WALT is the center of my universe, the reason I still breathe, and no man, no need to be more than I am, no vague yearning for the unknown and possible, will cause me to leave him behind. If he can't go, well then neither can I.

I am still broke. Beyond broke. Credit maxed out and work galore left to be done to this old money pit of my beloved farmhouse. We did get a statement from the insurance company that our homeowners policy is now insufficient. The house which they insured at $69 grand and some change they now want to insure at $263 grand. Will it sell for that, even half that? Hell no. But it does justify this insane process, even if only in my own head. We have finally paid off WALT's surgery, and Robert's emergency night in the hospital. Things that we should have had a rainy day fund for but didn't. Blue's vet bills are paid as well. Though in a way it was all for nought, it was necessary to take that risk. She was such an incredible dog.
I have adopted the snowball theory of debt reduction. For those of you that aren't familiar, it is starting with the smallest debt and then adding that payment to the next until you are able to make sizable payments on the larger debts. Next month I will have about $90 left on my Capital One card and should be able to pay that off. That means WALTs medical co pays/deductible is next and I should be able to add $60 to the $25 I am paying extra and that should be gone in 3 months. I think the next two to knock off will be my deductible and then Home Depot. I sat down and did the math and in 18 months we should be down to the truck payment and 2 credit cards payment from being debt free (if I can keep Robert's need for large toys under control). Though I haven't made a big dent I have stopped the bleeding, curing our addiction of putting things on the credit card. We've also made it through the summer without my income and that is a source of pride for new found budgeting I have acquired.

Well this is a long entry and there is a dish washer to empty, mail to mail, laundry to switch and children to feed. . . . .

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